I feel relaxed today - almost happy but definately content, unlike last Sunday, my birthday which was really Crapday because I spent 12 hours at work, found out the lock on my car door is screwed because some punk tried to pick it, had dinner cancelled on me and most tragic of all, had not a crumb of cake to eat.
There must be something about getting older. I get overwhelmed by a lot of things, mainly by kindness and concern which seem to surround me quite a lot lately so much so, I don't know what to do except thank and apologise profusely in a high-pitched voice to the point of it becoming quite annoying. Also, I get weepy easily; it is embarassing. Like the other day, I got teary while perusing the dairy section at my local supermarket playing "Hear me out" by Frou Frou in my head which I no longer wish to identify with but did for a while. I guess my brain should have put on a cheerier track but it has been through a lot lately so I let it slide.
Today, I woke up on the right side of bed and realised I should really love where I am at at the moment because I am healthy and alive, albeit a little poor. I love my family and friends and I love the twenty-eight years I have lived through (despite numerous regrets - like what was I thinking when I got the "bed head" crop and thought I looked so wicked cool?). I laid in bed drifting off into my favourite daydream - the one where I am with my perfect man and we own a little terrace house with a nice enough kitchen, Benson the beagle is sleeping on his rug in the corner gently snoring, the Tosca string quartet is playing softly in the background and I am making pretty cupcakes. Sexy. Perfect.
So here is the thing about daydreams, you are the director, you have 100% control, unlike your waking life which is often the complete opposite where the dainty cupcakes you dream about turn out a little short of perfect. Like my dark chocolate cupcakes with orange-wattleseed cream and cocoa nibs.
The flavour and texture of these cupcakes were sensational (you couldn't possibly go wrong with good quality couverture, pure orange oil and fresh cream), but they lacked the aesthetics of a perfect cupcake. It didn't stop me from scarfing down a couple at the belated birthday celebratory dinner I had with my close friend J-M, who was elegantly sufficient after main course but somehow found room to enjoy a cupcake anyway.
NB I didn't have a cry over how my cupcakes turned out so maybe there is still hope for me after all.